Today in morning it was raining, the winters are setting in, so are long murky days. My day starts early, its started becoming very cold at 6 am in mornings. Lately, I was not keeping well so I decided to take a leave of absent from my daily runs. Am still as restless as ever, trying to focus on tasks at hand.

I decided to take leave from work and came to this café I love at khan market, New Delhi, the place has a vibrant atmosphere and is flocked by tourists and locals both. Some good music and food are the indigents for a nice afternoon writing. Bored by my circle of life am looking for new and better avenues to broaden my horizons.

The smell of the fresh coffee is awakening my senses. I just asked the lady/waitress, a very warm petty girl to give me a cup of hot black coffee. People around me are busy talking, chatting in their own circle of friends. And here am sitting alone, thinking about my life and friends. Strangely I feel more and more restless as days are passing. Am like a bird in a cage, who’s wings have been cut and looks at the sky, desperate to be free. But freedom is not in the destiny. This is life chaotic, sad ………

Today after many days I felt like writing again, am sitting in a café , just finished my lunch. From last many days am feeling very restless, my life is not heading any where. My girlfriend left India in July 2010. I have nobody now from last many days, though I was in love with her but she just didn’t give me any breathing space, always nagging for more from me, more time , more love, more ….

Then finally her profeshional time in India expired and she had to leave. Though I miss her but had no inclination to take this relationship any further. We both were not compatible enough for me to take that plunge.Then my old father met with a brain stroke, he was admitted in hospital ICU, I thought am going to lose him too. This thought of being without the one who loved you the most gives shivers in spine. To be without your loved ones in this ruthless world , can be the hardest you as a human can experience. Luckly he survived and rcovered, may god bless him a long life. Life is becoming more meaningless for me .

Days and months are passing without much new is happening. I try to keep myself positive by working out everyday, I get up in morning run for 4-5 miles, come home do my 45 mintues workout. Go to work , but still something meanigfull is missing. I feel am not born to do just all this, God brought me to mother earth for more than the ususall.

And then My birthday came and went , didn’t felt like celebrating , nothing great happened in life the last year. And there was nobody I could celebrate the day with. A new year of my life just started and I wonder what more nis in store for me. Well this is life………..

The year kept me busy and on toes all the time , so had no time to write . anyhow there was not much to write about also. I was going through a roller coaster ride all the year. My relationship with a women was centrifugal point for most of the mid year... I was twisted in between my heart and my brain.. was jealous and was in lots of pain. the year is ending am still in confusion about the same. well a friend told me that when you cant help yourself then leave it to HIM....that's exactly am doing regarding the issue. In November i lost my Mother , sudden departure of her has created a void which cant be filled by anyone....My whole life has come to a stand still . its very hard to overcome a loss of this magnitude but am trying . Now i have to look after my ageing father and house and also work...suddenly i cant rely on anyone or take anyone granted.... well life is teaching me some hard lessons....

The year started with a quite note , Oscar is going strong and will be turning a year old this coming march….his day to day activities are also getting naughtier day by day… last week he chewed my running shoe…. Now he wants to sleep on my bed … I have no clue how to take care of his naughtiness… I guess he is pampered by love…. Animals have this strange way of returning love back to you… the way he looks at me….his cute eyes looking at me as if letting me know that he care…..As of my personal life am still single trying to figure out what to do about the way I feel for commitments …… I hope to find someone to share this emptiness I have inside me….life is so easy and boring without a soul mate…. If last year was a struggle this year has more to handle …….life in itself is a continuous struggle….hope I succeed…...

"This is LIFE. "
It gives you back everything you say or do.
Our life is simply a reflection of our actions.
If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart.
This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life;
Life will give you back everything you have given to it."

Last year when Bruno died my life was shattered, I never thought that the void will be fulfilled by anyone....then in march 2008 I was feeling very restless and decided to look for another companion.....though I knew that he cannot be replacement for my baby, but then life goes on ........ so the hunt led me to this adorable and cute golden retriever pup latter named Oscar......as soon as I lay my eyes on him , wanted to bring him home..............................now he is nine months old..........a reason for me to come back to the place I call HOME............................

Well after so many days I feel like writing , right now am sitting in a cafe , smoking a cigarette, sipping my 1st cup of coffee, and just wondering where my life is heading towards. The year 2007 is coming towards the end and my thoughts are about "what I gained and what I lost" in this year. Year endings always make me sad and retro septic .....this last year was a perpetual struggle. As such life in itself is a struggle... but 2007 was a year of endings and new beginning's.

I lost my dog in mid of the year.... a loss which is not replaceable, unconditional love that BRUNO gave for 10 years he livid with me cannot be replaced by anyone on this mother earth. That loss in itself wasn't enough that a relationship which I was trying to mend finally broke down in September, all efforts to revive it were fertile and final nail in the coffin was delivered in september. the irony of the situation was that the day my most important relation was ending, my parents were celebrating their 36th marriage anniversary. Here I was their son who could not last in a relation for more than 7 years and they lasted for 36...... well this is what i call life.

Now this year is coming to a end , I have lost whatever little i could call "mine", though I havent lost hope, as I strongly believe that if you have hope and desire, you can achive any goals set for yourself. With this postive mindset am looking forward to what 2008 has in store for me............

This is LIFE..............................................................................................................................................